I am beyond excited. And scared. And excited. Did I say excited? I'm excited. I want to tell you all about her, but I feel like I should be protective of her info. But let me tell you this:
- She is due in a matter of weeks. As in more than 4 but less than 10.
- I do not know if she is having a boy or a girl and I do not know if she knows if she's having a boy or a girl. I didn't ask on purpose. I might later. I don't know.
- She's not sure about her placement plan. And our agency is all, "red flag, red flag, red flag". And I agree. She has huge doubts and I am trying to keep my hopes and expectations under control. But today, today I am happy and excited!
- After that first phone call, I started popping the birth control pills (part of the induced lactation plan). I've never really had to take bcp before. Damn, by bo.obs are big! (I am so interested to see how this bfing thing goes - I'm about to order all kinds of craziness on the internet - tubes and bags and machines and funnels - my inner science geek [which is really more of an outer true identity] is so into this)
- This baby is not the same race as S or myself. And as much I can say, "that doesn't matter to me", I know that matters to other people. To strangers. And, sadly, to some of S's family. And I already worry that it is too much to ask of this baby - to have to deal with all of that (this certainly deserves its own post - but it's on my mind and I wanted to put it out there)
- We haven't met the birth mother yet. She's been very hesitant to move forward and we wanted to give her the space to make the right decision for her and her family. We hope to meet her next week. I might die of introversion and social awkwardness.
- Bring it Tar.get. I got a coupon for $5 off and I am about to buy some baby stuff!!!
And there you have it. I know I might be sad in a few weeks if it doesn't work out, but today I'm excited about the possibility of it all. And I'm just going to trust that this baby ends up exactly where he or she is supposed to be.