Wednesday, November 23, 2011

99th Post: WE'VE MATCHED

Now that I've returned to real life...where I have time for things like sleeping and getting the mail and saying hello to the cats, I thought I would draw this blogging business out. Save my big news for that special 100th post. But, forget that. This is TOO HUGE. We've matched with a birth mother!

I am beyond excited. And scared. And excited. Did I say excited? I'm excited. I want to tell you all about her, but I feel like I should be protective of her info. But let me tell you this:

  • She is due in a matter of weeks. As in more than 4 but less than 10.
  • I do not know if she is having a boy or a girl and I do not know if she knows if she's having a boy or a girl. I didn't ask on purpose. I might later. I don't know.
  • She's not sure about her placement plan. And our agency is all, "red flag, red flag, red flag". And I agree. She has huge doubts and I am trying to keep my hopes and expectations under control. But today, today I am happy and excited!
  • After that first phone call, I started popping the birth control pills (part of the induced lactation plan). I've never really had to take bcp before. Damn, by bo.obs are big! (I am so interested to see how this bfing thing goes - I'm about to order all kinds of craziness on the internet - tubes and bags and machines and funnels - my inner science geek [which is really more of an outer true identity] is so into this)
  • This baby is not the same race as S or myself. And as much I can say, "that doesn't matter to me", I know that matters to other people. To strangers. And, sadly, to some of S's family. And I already worry that it is too much to ask of this baby - to have to deal with all of that (this certainly deserves its own post - but it's on my mind and I wanted to put it out there)
  • We haven't met the birth mother yet. She's been very hesitant to move forward and we wanted to give her the space to make the right decision for her and her family. We hope to meet her next week. I might die of introversion and social awkwardness.
  • Bring it Tar.get. I got a coupon for $5 off and I am about to buy some baby stuff!!!

And there you have it. I know I might be sad in a few weeks if it doesn't work out, but today I'm excited about the possibility of it all. And I'm just going to trust that this baby ends up exactly where he or she is supposed to be.

Tuesday, November 22, 2011

Update - the 3.5 month variety

Life has been...hectic. I've started posts a million times in my head, only to be side tracked by deadlines and flights and relationship yuck. Work sucked the life out of me for awhile. I'm pretty sure I single-handedly saved Delta from bankruptcy with all the out of town gigs I was able to book. Believe me, I'm thankful to have the work. But also exhausted. And my stress/absence took its toll on my relationship with S. And basically everything else in my life (friends, blogs, personal hygiene). But while all of that was going on, this was happening too:
  • We were chosen as a "favorite family" two times in September - not at all in October
  • Our profile was sent to 10 potential birth families in September and 9 in October
  • We've been renewing finger prints and physicals and such as parts of our home study have started to expire (weird...makes it sound like rotten cheese)
  • We got THE CALL!

    • THE CALL. The one I thought would never come. She called and she was nervous and I was nervous and I couldn't believe it. It was awkward but genuine. She seemed so unsure of moving forward. She was so scared of what other people would think if she made the decision to place, of what her baby would think. I wished I knew her and could giver her a hug and tell her whatever decision she made would be the right one. But really I just told her that I was glad she called and that I hoped she had a nice day. How...completely... inadequate.

      We didn't hear from her for weeks. I would think about her and hope she was OK. I knew we might never hear from her again, but it was like that door of "knowing her" had opened and now I thought about her and worried about her and hoped she had people supporting her. And then our agency called....