multiple multiple choice

My ex-girlfriend is:
a) Pregnant (on the second try!)
b) One of my BFFs
c) Married to a boy
d) Totally in the closet about her homo past (we'll just call our time together her rumspringa year...except she's not amish)
e) Having a baby shower next month
f) All of the above

My RSVP to the baby shower will likely be:
a) Sorry, I'm traveling for work that weekend (totally plausible since I do that all the time)
b) Sorry, I have leprosy (not plausible at all, but who wants to take chances with a pregnant lady, right?)
c) Sure, I'll suck it up. If I start crying, that's what they have bathrooms for
d) Wouldn't miss it for the world. I'll be a big girl and leave my jealousy at the door

Feel free to leave your answers in the comment section....

mostly completely off topic

Remember this? And how I was all, YAY! MY PHONE! I'm so glad to have you back!

Well, the best cell phone company ever just emailed me to say it's time for my free-ish upgrade. And now I'm eyeing my beloved bberry and wondering if I shouldn't retire it to the recycle bin in favor of something better! newer! faster!

And here's how it (vaguely) relates to babies. I'm secretly jealous when you all talk about your i.Phones and the cool cycle charter/breastfeeding/napping/blogging/etc apps that you have.

So here's the situation.
I *need* businessy type things on my phone (push email, ability to open word documents, etc)
I *want* fun type things on my phone (an app that will sound an alarm 5 minutes before I ovulate)

And here's what the best cell phone company ever has to offer:
L.G Opt.imus S
BBerry Style 96.70
San.yo Z.io SCP-86.00
BBerry Bold 96.50
BBerry Curve 93.30

Anyone have good/bad experiences that they want to share? Recommendations? (Clearly, none of the above is an i.Phone, but can android save the day and offer me the best of both worlds?)

thank you and better and where are you

Thank you all so much for your sweet comments. I guess that is what I was looking for. To know that others have been here and that it is surmountable. Things are better (recovering?) at home. S has taken responsibility, in a way she never has before. And more importantly, she's taken some action to learn and grow from her mistakes. I'm feeling raw and bruised and a little skittish. But also thankful and even somewhat hopeful. We've sort of mashed together a new perspective - that we treat each other and our relationship as precious and that this is a journey and as long as we are always committed to working hard at understanding and meeting each other's needs, we'll be OK. I guess that sounds a little on the hokey side, now that I write it down. But I think it is going to work for us.

Also.

Jenny. Where are you? I so appreciate all the comments you leave me, but I can't figure out how to get to your blog. Every time I click on your pic or your comments, there's no link. I'd love to follow along...help?

Bad to worse

I'm not sure there's a good reader's digest version of this 4+ year story. But let's just say that S and I hit a very low place in our relationship last month. And then it turned into this really great place. Like something clicked. And we were finding our way to that sweet, supportive, connected, thriving, intimate relationship we both have always wanted.

And then.

Last night.

She says that while we were in the throes of frustrating and over processing agony...she went out with her friends...and got drunk...and danced and groped and kissed inappropriately...and proceeded to drive herself home while wasted.

We are both 36. Too old for this shit.

And this is not the first time she has done this.

And I am having a hard time trying to figure out what is saving myself and what is honoring my commitment and supporting a person I love. It must be a very fine line, because I cannot find it.

A non-post

Things are pretty quiet 'round here now....
(10 bonus points if you know what song that is from)

S and I have been having a rough time of it. As we tend to do. The story is long and complicated. We unpacked some boxes of old hurt and let some fights go too far. Now we're recovering. There is definitely some good that came out of all of it, as we are being more gentle and sweet with each other. But it's just too bad it had to come to that.

I've sort of been a late bloomer in all aspects of my life and I was under the (false) impression that if I waited until I was older/more therapized/wiser/established/etc I would have a better relationship with my partner. Not true. I am definitely older and more therapized and possibly wiser and more established than I was in my 20s, but even approaching my 40s, this relationship stuff is hard!