Friday, February 18, 2011

Bad to worse

I'm not sure there's a good reader's digest version of this 4+ year story. But let's just say that S and I hit a very low place in our relationship last month. And then it turned into this really great place. Like something clicked. And we were finding our way to that sweet, supportive, connected, thriving, intimate relationship we both have always wanted.

And then.

Last night.

She says that while we were in the throes of frustrating and over processing agony...she went out with her friends...and got drunk...and danced and groped and kissed inappropriately...and proceeded to drive herself home while wasted.

We are both 36. Too old for this shit.

And this is not the first time she has done this.

And I am having a hard time trying to figure out what is saving myself and what is honoring my commitment and supporting a person I love. It must be a very fine line, because I cannot find it.


  1. Oh hon, I'm sorry to hear this. You most definitely are not the only one to go through something like this. I've definitely been in the "waiting for her to grow up" place and it's just not fun. And not easy to figure out what the right thing to do is. It sounds hopeful that you had at least gotten to that great place together, maybe? Thinking of you.

  2. So very sorry things aren't going well. I haven't got any great words of advice to offer but just wanted to let you know I'm thinking of you and hope things change for the better soon.

  3. Ouch.

    I'm sorry for the pain that you're going through.

    While it doesn't excuse her behavior--at all--I have to admit that as the young one in my relationship (I'm 35 to her 42), I sometimes try to take the "I'm still young!" defense when I make a stoopid choice.

    If you're in a place where it feels like you need to save yourself... listen to that. Take some time to journal about it, talk to someone you trust, and gather supporters--ones who will support you whether you stick with it for 30 more years or separate in six months.

    Again, I'm sorry.

  4. I'm sorry to hear that--it's especially bad after thinking that you were back on track. Take your time to sort out how you feel. I'll also be thinking of you and hoping you can come out of this into the place you want to be--wherever that ends up being.

  5. I'm very sorry to hear that. I don't know if you two have taken a break before, but sometimes that's what's needed to jolt the 'bad' partner into seeing how much there is to lose.

  6. Oh man, that really sucks :( TTC is hard enough without the added give-and-take of relationships precariously balanced on top of it. I really hope things work out for you guys, and that you both find peace together. I'll be thinking of you.

  7. I'm so sorry, hon. Like Nicole said, you're not the only one. I'm also waiting for my 39-year-old partner (I'm 36) to grow up.

    Good luck navigating your way through this latest mess.

  8. I just found your blog.. and wanted to say hi... and that I am sorry that you or anyone has to feel that heartbreak.

    I know that feeling...and ugh. UGH.