Friday, January 28, 2011

Mustering up some good vibes

Things at my house suck right now. And I will leave it at that. But in an effort not to be completely MIA from my blog I thought I'd send out this sometimes-people-do-nice-things story to the world.

If you've read for any length of time, you probably know I travel for work somewhat frequently. Over the years I've had pretty good make-the-flight, not-arrive-too-delayed, didn't-lose-my-baggage karma (knock.on.wood.) And partly due to that, I've gotten a tad lazy about leaving on time for the airport. So. Last week. I dawdle too much leaving the house. I get to the airport and there's just about no parking. I *finally* park and again dawdle too long answering emails on my bberry. And then I rush to my flight. And at this airport, you have to take a train to your terminal (well, you don't have to, you can walk, except when you're late, because the train is faster). But the lady in front of me is moving soooooo slow. And I'm getting annoyed. And the train is about to leave and I don't want to wait for the next one. So I run past little-slow-lady and jump on the train...just in time to see my bberry fly from my jacket pocket and fall directly in the 1 inch space between the train the floor. I couldn't have thrown the damn thing in there if I had tried!! And that's it. It's gone. ("Oh, that's bad," says the observant man next to me on the train)

So, yadda yadda yadda....

After freaking out, catching my flight with just seconds to spare, and getting online mid-flight, I manage to email the man who is in charge of the trains at the airport and:
1. He emails back right away to say that he'll send a tech down that night to see if my phone is down there
2. He emails again to say that not only did they find my phone, but it wasn't smashed to smithereens by the train and seems to be working
3. After I get back to town (2-bberry-less-days-later) he meets me in the middle of his work day to give me back my phone
4. He refuses to accept the gift card I got him as a thank you and says, it's just part of his job...

...thus restoring my faith in humanity and my access to my client contacts and my free bubble game app.

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Dumb question

How come I can't comment on some wordpress blogs? (or maybe all wordpress blogs and I just don't realize it) They ask me to log in. And to get a log in, they ask me to start a wordpress blog. Clearly I am missing something. Or I just haven't had enough coffee. Help for the technically challenged?

Hi Pom! I'd love to comment back as I've been following for awhile but...I can't...yet.

Saturday, January 15, 2011

Blogoversary! And a recipe!

Happy blogoversary to me.
Today is the anniversary of the day I started this blog, even though I didn't actually start posting on a regular basis until June.

This isn't where I thought we'd be a year later. But it's where we're at.
And even though my new year's resolutions were a bit on the depressive side, my look-back-at-a-year-of-blogging is feeling rather hopeful:

  • S and I are in a much better place. Than we've ever been. And that is good. In fact, it's a minor miracle
  • We have a gonna-get-a-baby plan that we are happy about
  • We have hope for 2011, for all kinds of things

So, in celebration, I'm offering up my favorite new recipe. I'm somewhat of a lapsed vegetarian (what started with, I'll add salmon back to my diet, has ended with, I'll take bacon with that). But thanks to this movie, S and I have been inspired to make better choices and eat more veggies. So I offer you:

Spicy Spaghetti Squash
(accommodations made at the end for those who don't like spicy*)

1 spaghetti squash halved lengthwise and seeded
2 TBSP olive oil
1 onion chopped
2 cloves garlic minced
salt and cayenne pepper to taste
1 can stewed tomatoes with jalapenos
2/3 cup feta cheese crumbled
3 TBSP black olives sliced

Preheat oven to 350F. Lightly grease backing sheet. Place spaghetti squash, cut side down, on baking sheet and bake for 30 minutes or until sharp knife can be inserted with little resistance. Remove squash from oven and set aside to cool. When cool, use a large spoon to scoop out pulp and set aside.

Heat oil in skillet over medium heat. Saute onion and garlic until tender. Add salt and cayenne pepper to taste. Stir in tomatoes and cook until warm (you may not want to add in all the liquid as sometimes it turns out too wet). Add the scooped out squash and stir. Take off heat and toss with feta and olives. Serve warm.

*If you don't like spicy, use plain stewed tomatoes or fresh tomatoes instead. Also, you can replace the cayenne pepper with chopped fresh basil. Add the basil at the very end with the feta and olives. Yum!

Thursday, January 13, 2011

Open Adoption

That's what we're doing.
I wrote out this whole long post (where I roared my terrible roar and gnashed my terrible teeth).
But then I didn't post it.
It was too much. Too much of the grieving over the path not taken. And I don't want to diminish the path we're on.
We chose this.
And I chose not to make a follow-up appointment at a new IFV clinic.
It was a matter of emotion and logic and finances and medical crap and politics (yes, politics...try to get an individual policy with maternity insurance in a red state these days...thanks crap ass healthcare reform) and heartache and love and indecision and maybe a little magic.
And the best choice for us. Right now.
And maybe in the end we'll buy one and then bake one, although I feel the time for that slipping away (I'll turn 37 this year).
But what's most important is, we're doing this. Now. And even though the edges feel a little sad, and I'm definitely a lot scared, the decision feels right.

And I even saw my BFFs 20-week ultrasound pics and didn't shed a single tear (thanks pr0zac!)

Wednesday, January 5, 2011

I have a confession

When we're on the IVF path, I want to adopt.
When we're on the open adoption path, I wish we were doing IVF.
The human condition.
It sucks sometimes.

But here's the epiphany moment.
What I really want is a lovely relationship with S, where we have fun having [insert euphemism for s3x], and easily and simply make a baby that is the creation of our two souls coming together.

What I have is a relationship with S that is hard work and sometimes cuts me to my soul, a reproductive system that is putting up a spectacular fight, and a partnership that logistically precludes the creation of a genetically ours baby.

But I also have options.
And sometimes my holding on to the (impossible) I-wish-scenario makes me hate my options instead of appreciate them.

I just decided that my 2011 resolution is going to be being more open to the options in front of me, appreciating what's amazing about them, grieving the loss of what-my-plan-was, and not discounting what-is by holding it up to what-I'd-hoped-would-be.
And for f-ck's sake, quit with the whatifs and the ifonlys and the ishouldves.

Monday, January 3, 2011

the good, the bad, and the funny

1. I have now spent a week obsessing over fibroids, my inability to get maternity insurance (that's a whole other post), could've/should've/would've's, if only's, and what to do next. And you know what it's brought me? The beginnings of an ulcer and peace. Yes, that's right. Because what I've realized is, we're 1(ish) steps away from adding a baby to our family. Within the next few months we either get cleared for IVF or get our homestudy approved. And if we're really lucky, one of those two things will bring me what I really want. And that's a family. And that's good.

2. Damn, this infertility crap has taken a toll on my relationship with S. And that's bad.

3. This made me LAUGH. And who couldn't use that?