Thursday, January 13, 2011

Open Adoption

That's what we're doing.
I wrote out this whole long post (where I roared my terrible roar and gnashed my terrible teeth).
But then I didn't post it.
It was too much. Too much of the grieving over the path not taken. And I don't want to diminish the path we're on.
We chose this.
And I chose not to make a follow-up appointment at a new IFV clinic.
It was a matter of emotion and logic and finances and medical crap and politics (yes, politics...try to get an individual policy with maternity insurance in a red state these days...thanks crap ass healthcare reform) and heartache and love and indecision and maybe a little magic.
And the best choice for us. Right now.
And maybe in the end we'll buy one and then bake one, although I feel the time for that slipping away (I'll turn 37 this year).
But what's most important is, we're doing this. Now. And even though the edges feel a little sad, and I'm definitely a lot scared, the decision feels right.

And I even saw my BFFs 20-week ultrasound pics and didn't shed a single tear (thanks pr0zac!)


  1. i am so glad it feels right. that's the important part, i believe.

  2. This is fantastic - I'm so pleased that you've made a decision and are happy with it! It seems perfectly reasonable that there is a bit (or a lot, even) of sadness for what isn't to be (for now) but you are another step closer toward adding a little person to your family now and that's exciting! Looking forward to reading about the adoption process and hoping it happens quickly.

  3. there's nothing more important than making a decision that feels right for you. i wish you a smooth journey down this path.