Monday, January 18, 2010

Yes, I know this is illegal

S and I have been talking about having kids for years. Well, I've been talking about having kids for years and S has been listening and nodding her head every now and then.

But then we got serious.

And about a year ago, we started to explore our options. Before we decided if we should bake one or buy one, we attended a number of baby seminars, we talked to friends and friends of friends and their friends, we looked at websites, read books, and questioned lawyers. And then we decided what was best for us.

Sidenote: In the land of rednecks (where we currently reside) there are laws cleverly designed to keep lesbians from having babies. Well, not exactly to keep them from having babies, but to tie one hand behind their backs while they awkwardly try to use a turkey baster to get a bun in the oven. It’s a felony, A FELONY, to self-inseminate with anything other than a penis. Seriously. If you get the little swimmers up there via penis, you’re home free, if you use ANYTHING else, you’re on your way to being a convicted felon. Thank you bigots and fundies.

Being the rebels we are, we decided to ask a male friend to contribute to the cause. And when that didn't work out, we asked another one. And when that didn't work out, we asked another one. That led to some awkward early morning shennanigans with a glass jar and a needle-less syringe. Some bad jokes were made. And, ultimately, when that didn't work out either, we decided to change our plan. Bring on the medical intervention.


  1. wow. There are laws in place where we live that prevent us from accessing fertility treatments or adoption. We have to fly interstate to access IVF. However, we can go nuts at home baster-style. I cant imagine it being a felony! How the F do they prove that anyway?

  2. They are tricky that way. When you go to second parent adopt, if you don't have proof that you didn't DIY then you get denied. So far, I don't think anyone's gone to jail for going wild with the baster. But I wouldn't put it past 'em!

  3. Wow. I did not know this.

    A felony. As in "can't vote any more have to say it on all my job applications" felony.

    Couldn't you just say it was a one night stand?

    I can't believe how much different parts of the country feel like different decades. And I'm really really sorry.