LMatch - like JDate, but for nondenominational embryos

Ever since embryo adoption became a forerunner on our list of how-to-deal-with-this-damned-infertility, I've been scouring the web for more information. And what I've found is...a lot of Christians. Now, I've been asked, "what did you get for Christmas?", enough times to know that I'm generally surrounded by Christians. And they're generally nice. But I was (naively?) surprised to find that embryo adoption was such a Christian crusade.

There seem to be plenty of embryo adoption agencies out there, run by folks who favor bible quotes as Web site headers. From what I can tell, they work something like live-baby-adoption-agencies. There are lawyers. You pay (significant) fees. And there is some sort of meet and greet process in which embryo makers select their chosen embryo seekers. There is definitely a preferred "profile" and "single" women are not exactly welcome.

It also appears that most IVF clinics have an internal embryo adoption program. Patients in a specific office can donate embryos that are then offered to other paitents in the same office who have been waiting on an embryo adoption list. It's more of an egalitarian affair. Embryo makers and seekers never meet or exchange emails and embryos are offered up on a first-come-first-served basis.

But what about the rest of us? The liberals, the lesbians, the jews, the hippies. Those that don't fit the profile at the standard embryo adoption agencies and don't want to play baby grab bag at the IVF clinic. Shouldn't we have a forum to exchange embryos*? To match the makers and the seekers? Where is LMatch (and for that matter, what is LMatch - LesbianMatch? LiberalMatch?)?

I've seen the generosity of bloggers, sharing meds and advice. What if some bloggers want to share their embryos? I propose we open up our blogs, and for those so inclined, offer up our frozen embryos**. I'll even offer bakeonebuyone as a new-age yenta of sorts***. Makers, seekers, tell me a little bit about yourselves, and let's see if we can't knock this infertility bitch on her ass.****


*It is 100% illegal to sell embryos.
**If you missed the previous disclaimer, it is 100% illegal to sell embryos.
***And again I say, it is 100% illegal to sell embroys.
****Um, we might need a lawyer for this. But it's worth a try, no?

baby grab bag

I don't know, just yet, exactly how I feel about all of the information that was discussed at our first meeting with Dr. IVF today. (side note: S just read this great article about introverts [poster child, raises hand], which explained many of my ticks and quirks, and which pointed out that, when asked about their feelings, it's not that introverts are keeping them from you, it's that they really don't know yet). So I don't know yet. But I'm getting there. And I'm so glad we went this morning.

At this point in the baby hunt, we're seriously considering 3 options: 1) run of the mill IVF (I mean really, can it please just be run of the mill, with no surprise growths that resemble a personal-sized watermelon) 2) IVF with someone else's donated frozen embryo(s) (thanks for the encouragement, Conception Chronicles!) 3) open adoption. They all have their obstacles and their scary bits and their undeniable benefits. But we're leaning toward #2. In fact we are OFFICIALLY ON THE DONOR EMBRYO WAITING LIST. I think I just got whiplash from all the forward motion.

But in the meantime....

I need a sonohysterogram so we can all learn more about the polyp and the fibroid that have everyone up in arms. Unfortunately, we found out today that the test has to be completed CD12-14. And it is currently 5:30pm on CD13 on the Friday before a long weekend. So another month of waiting. And then pending those results, we learn what additional procedures I need before they'll green light any form of IVF. That was the hardest part for me to accept today. The more waiting. And the idea that there is a very good chance no one in our house will be pregnant before the end of 2010. (even the cats are sterile at this point) But, did I mention, we are OFFICIALLY ON THE DONOR EMBRYO WAITING LIST. Which means, at some point, we are going to close our eyes, reach into the baby grab bag, and 9 months later pull out the best parting gift ever. I hope so.

ps
Despite the information overload, we actually both *really* like all of the staff (so far) at the IVF clinic, were incredibly impressed overall, and breathed a collective sigh of relief to be done with surly-dr-ob-of-the-iuis (and both asked in the car on the way home, why didn't we ditch Dr. OB after that first awful meeting in her office?). Lesson learned.

scattered, smothered, and covered

First, you need to know that since we were married and started TTC, we've both gone up 1-2 pant sizes.

Two weekends ago, and much to our horror, we spent an entire Sunday afternoon at the outlet mall buying fat pants (we were horrified by the "mall" part. I kind of like the "outlet" part). Having survived the Public and the Shoppers and the Dressing Rooms, we consoled ourselves with Taco Bell.

Since our last BFN and the resulting forced break to decide what to do next, we've adopted an exercise plan. This entails long walks (and sometimes jogs) in the evening during which we keep our minds distracted by discussing our baby options in exciting and excruciating detail. And we are TORN. Pulled in a million directions. IVF? DFCS? PCOS? (our concern with S's body) Options without acronyms (international adoption, lie and say one of us is a "single" woman)? Minds scattered. Hearts pulled. And we just don't know.

We have a one-on-one consultation with Dr. IVF next Friday. I've joined just about every adoption forum out there and have posted pleas for more information. Being a geek from way back, I kind of enjoy the researching and the finding out of things. But mostly I'd like us to be on our way. On whatever path is going to be the right one for our family.

In the meantime, I'll have some ice cream in bed with my love, enjoy my new, roomier pants, and ask that those who know please share any info on how lesbians or "single" women can successfully complete a domestic adoption of an infant or toddler.

Thanks.

In NYC drinking an entire pot of coffee

Yep, it was a BFN.
Found out Thursday, just before my flight took off. AWKWARD as I pretended I was OK and the business man next to me pretended to be reading the paper. S and I are going to take a very long walk this weekend and figure out what we want to do next. I can't help but think of that Sarah Sliverman line, "Everyone knows that the best time to get pregnant is when you're a black teenager."* Damn. If I had only planned a little better.


*Wrong in so many ways, I know. But I love an equal opportunist, and since Sarah spreads the wrongness across all of god's children, I'm OK with it.

Guess who's having twins?

Not us. (yet?)
Doogie Howser, MD!!!
He and his hot boyfriend knocked up a surogate.
I am wondering if he is likely to give us the extra one*....

*kid, not surogate

When did I become the sap who cries at butterflies and deoderant commercials?

I am having trouble keeping it together. This morning I cried backing out of the driveway when there was a car behind me. In real life, I suck it up and tough it out. In TTC life, I cry at poorly parked cars.

We are in the second week of the TWW. Last night we went to an IVF information seminar. The doctor leading the program could most kindly be described as Southern. However, she was also informative and she did answer all of my questions. Unfortunately, she also confirmed that if this cycle doesn't work out as we hope and we would like to continue to use my body, I'll need to have a second surgery (polyp removed) and move on to IVF. I still don't know why I find that so S-A-D. It's not really sad. Having no options would be sad. But we do have options. We have the surgery and IVF. We have S's body. We have the various adoption routes we've looked into. And as another blogger brilliantly pointed out, we could always move to Massachusetts where they have mandated IVF coverage (actually, we would probably love MA, if it wasn't so damn cold...but I'd have to learn to spell it first).

In other news:

• Remember how I spent all of last month cursing the progesterone? Yeah, almost no symptoms this month. Just a tad of the burps and heartburn, but nothing like the offensive onslaught of truckstop behavior that was last month.
  
• Our little ex-feral kitty who typically wants nothing to do with me is suddenly braving my presence and checking in on me on a regular basis. Maybe he senses the sad? or a little peanut?
  

And the moral of the story is...

...don't let your radiologist interpret your HSG results. Or maybe it's just, take a deep breath and try not to dive off the deep end.

Things still kind of suck, what with my 1 wonky tube (right tube blocked but OB thinks it could have been a spasm or "debris" that could potentially be cleared without surgery...but no guarantee), 1 wonky ovary (right side looks like it's down for the count...no egg-like activity observed to date...and even with the meds I only have 1 follicle on the left side this month), and 1 wonky uterus (definitely have a polyp, but it's only measuring 5mm, which is considered within the watch and wait category...if it reaches 10mm, it has to be removed).

But we're a go for this month. Insem #1 was this morning.

Good news: Dr OB claims women with one tube and one ovary can get knocked up.
Bad news: I believe her, but were the tube and ovary on opposite sides and were the women paying $5k a month just to play the game?

Bad news: After close to a year of monitoring and not missing a beat, CBFM did not pick up my peak this morning (even with a trigger shot yesterday).
Good news: Dr OB had me POAS at the office and I got a smiley face.

Good news: We picked the sp.rm donor of the gods and the whole office was impressed with our (or I guess that would be his) 85% motility.
Bad news: Some of the sample came out during the insem (what??) and I am now stuck with an instead cup in a hard to reach place until this evening.

Anyone else naseous from the roller coaster ride?