Saturday, December 22, 2012

Hospitalized...and need your help

2012 sucks.
I'm in the hospital and will likely be here several more days.
What I thought was a pulled muscle, maybe some anemia, or just general exhaustion due to stress turned out to be blood clots. A lot of them. I have them in both legs (DVT) and both lungs (PE). They think it's due to a mix of my surgery 3 weeks ago and being on birth control. It is physically painful (I'm on several pain meds right now so this post may turn out a little loopy) and I am sad because in about 4 hours S and I will miss our flight back to my home state for the holidays. However, the most crushing of all of this is:
1. I can never take birth control again (ha! just like a lesbian to find that crushing. But really, it was part of my IVF plan and more than just no bcp, I can never have estrogen again).
2. I will need to be on blood thinners until my clots clear. They estimate 3 to 6 months, but sometimes clots take 1-2 years to resolve. I have been waiting so long for this IVF. Waiting and waiting and waiting. It's so hard to be told it has to be put off again.

I am so sad. I was stupid and let hope back in. I was excited about a late Feb/early March IVF. I daydreamed about what it would be like to be pregnant next year. And now I'm crushed. So, I'm wondering from you, does anyone have experience with IVF post-blood clots. How does no estrogen change IVF? How does needing blood thinners change IVF? I know some women take lovenox throughout their pregnancy. But what about needing it before.

I want to stomp my foot and cry that it's not fair. This roller coaster is so hard sometimes. Just when things are looking up, they come crashing down. And time just keeps slipping through my fingers.

My RE is on vacation, but of course I'm going to talk to her about this as soon as I can. Just wondering what your experience has been....Thanks.


  1. I'm just... speechless. This is so brutally unfair. I'm sorry because I can't answer any of your questions and this comment is totally random since I haven't de-lurked to comment on your blog in ages, but I just had to say something because... holy f'ing hell. I am so sorry. :-(

  2. You go ahead and stop that foot of yours and cry that it's not fair because it is not. I am beyond sorry that you have to deal with all of this on top of everything that you have already dealt with. Lots of good thoughts your way!

  3. I'm sorry...praying that you feel much better soon...

  4. I'm so sorry to hear this. I am sending you lots of hugs, hoping things get better for you.

  5. This is so sad to read. I hope that you're still able to move forward with IVF once the clots heal up. Sending love and hugs your way.

  6. oh no! this is so f-ed up. i have no words.


  7. I'm so sorry, this isn't fair at all.

    I hope the clots are gone in the shortest amount of time possible and IVF (with baby) is just around the corner.

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  9. I am so sorry to hear this. I can imagine how painful this must be physically and emotionally. I hope that you get some good news soon. Sending hugs your way.